dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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