I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
