I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
