i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
