did you get engaged???
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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