I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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