I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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