pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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