you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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