Your face is a jimmy john
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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