Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
