chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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