it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
