Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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