Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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