Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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