think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
