I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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