I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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