Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
