I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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