don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize