I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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