i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
