dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
