I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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