I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
