i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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