Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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