i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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