do herpes really smell.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
