He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
