Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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