So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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