can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
