Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
