I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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