my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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