man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
there is glitter all over my balls
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
