we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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