my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
