Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
