Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think my tv is drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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