tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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