It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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