I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
