Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
