Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
