At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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