you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
