just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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