i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize