Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
