dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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